Shoe Swap: What is Empathy?
Have you ever been desperate for someone to understand you?
Months ago, I remember feeling this way. I was driving my daughter to the doctor. On the way, I could feel myself starting to catch the sickness that my kids had. My temperature started was rising and I knew a fever was coming on.
I could still see the road and function as a driver but I was driving terribly slow, as pain set in.
When I say terribly slow, I mean roughly 5 mph under the speed limit.
People were passing me - swerving around me - honking at me.
It was not a fun time. I wanted to tell every person, individually, that I was sick! There was a reason I was driving this way!
If people just could have known what was causing me to act in this way, I feel as if they would have been a little more nice and polite.
I actually don’t know that to be true but I’d like to think it. Ultimately, I wanted people to understand why I was acting the way I was.
Empathy is a learned (and lost) art.
Empathy (noun): The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
We all have moments where we sincerely desire for people to be more empathic towards us.
We all have moments where we sincerely disregard being empathic towards others.
That’s why this conversation is crucial. Regardless of your faith background, you probably have heard of (and mostly agree with) the “Golden Rule.” Treat others the way you wish to be treated.
This mini series is all about just that. Learning to swap shoes with the people we interact with.
The expression, “you’ve never had to walk a mile in my shoes” isn’t just a cheesy saying. It’s real. We don’t often think of what it’s like to be in the shoes of someone else. My argument is this: We’d all be better off if decided to put in real effort to understand or share the feelings of another.
Instead of living life without looking for empathy - what if we became more empathic with those around us? What if we got intentional with living this out?
Why is it important? What would the benefits be?
To start, we all want more empathy but struggle to be more empathic. This is a problem.
If you’ve been in any type of serious relationship, you’ll know that understanding one another’s feelings is essential. It could be one of the very best ways to show love and affection.
Professionally, most of us are not walking around an office telling others we love them. However, statistics show that if employees or co-workers feel loved and valued, they will be more productive.
This isn’t about holding hands and saying how much we love each other with the people who sit in the cubicles around you (that is an option though?). This is about taking a temperature check of how our culture is being perceived or built. Asking the question, is this an organization or team where employees know they are valued and loved?
Let’s be clear - the benefits of more empathy are:
Professional Production
Personal Value & Affection
Not many of us want less production or lower performance out of our employees and co-workers. Studies show time and time again that an individual who feels consistently devalued will be less productive.
At the very least, high production with low care and development is not sustainable. That’s why I have conversation after conversation with people who have high staff turnover and can’t figure out why. Empathy could (and should) be where we start looking.
How do we start to become more empathic?
In a word: Listen.
Listen to people when they talk.
Reiterate what they said so they know you listened to them.
There is a difference between hearing people and listening to them.
Hearing is an event. Listening is a process.
Listening means we’re truly taking in what is being said, processing and evaluating it.
And most importantly, we’re following up or implementing it.
Hearing means we were present when words were said and no action is taken with it.
We’re not taking it in, processing it or ever following up with it.
Unfortunately, I identify far too often with being a hearer or not a listener.
To be a great listener, a more empathic leader or parent, we have to be committed to growth.
Empathy does not always mean:
Changing your mind
Changing your system
Changing your course
Empathy does always mean:
Seeking to understand feelings
Gathering and processing information
Evaluating and implementing action
Empathy is a learned (and lost) art.
Swapping shoes can be benefit us and others in more ways than one.
Let’s choose to listen today.