Shoe Swap: Empathy in Action
Swapping Shoes is the first step to understanding others.
In parts 1 & 2 of this series, we discussed the benefits of having more empathy in our lives.
In this post, we're going to look at 3 ideas to help us take steps forward in becoming more empathetic.
As we explore very practical steps in learning to understand others, we have to acknowledge that this truly starts from a place of sincerity and compassion. If we don’t start there, we’re going to miss the point. We’ll look into that more in just a moment.
1. Position
We have to become aware of where and how we position ourselves. There are two main avenues to positioning.
The first avenue…
There is something so fun about spending time with people who are share all the same interests and views. When I find out someone likes (and he’s seen) the same comedian as me, we can talk for hours about all of the bits and funny moments that relate and remind of us of other areas of life. It’s great!
However…. If we only live life with people who share the same religious beliefs, political views, interests, jobs and upbringings… we won’t be challenged to grow.
We have to put ourselves in a position to learn from people we have a lot to learn about.
The second avenue to positioning…
There are people we have a lot of commonalities with but the relationship stays at surface level.
A leader asked me once how I knew what our interns were interested in. My answer was, “I spend time with them.”
I sit with them at lunch. Not every day, but, often enough to get to know them and learn about their lives.
There are likely little moments throughout our days where we can work on positioning ourselves with people to gain an understanding.
Where are we positioning ourselves? Are we sitting with others? Are we listening to others?
It’s one thing to have compassion and empathy from a distance. It’s another to put it into action with those in front of you.
Question to ask:
Am I positioning myself in a place that requires growth?
2. Posture
Have you ever sat down with someone and immediately felt comfortable?
My guess is more of us could answer that with knowing the feeling of being immediately UNcomfortable.
How we approach others matters. It can be surprising how much our body language plays into our ability to empathize with others. I’ve had more experiencing than I care to count where I’ve sat with someone who always has to be the smartest person in the room. When they sit down, everyone knows they desire to be the one with the least room for growth.
There’s a lot to be said about confidence and knowledge. It’s respectable and admirable. But it’s not particularly relational.
How we approach a conversation and the way we position ourselves is crucial. I could give a thousand tips on what to do and what not to do. And maybe there will be a time and a place for that. But right now, what I know is that there is no “one shoe fits all” list of things to do or not do.
Here is what I suggest: Be sincere.
If we say it, we better mean it. If we engage, we better want the answers to the questions we ask.
The posture of sincerity is noticeable. We know it when we see and experience it. It’s a posture that allows others to let their guards down.
And it’s highly important when seeking to understand others.
Question to ask:
Am I approachable and approaching others well?
3. Purpose
Have you ever had a moment where you stepped back and were like, wow, I did that on purpose? *quick story*
The other day, I took my kids to our city’s nature center. It was “green week” for Saint Patrick’s Day and they were focusing on recycling. There were a ton of activities and lessons set up. Of course, being the week that it is, they had one obligatory leprechaun coloring page. There was a game involved to it and so I only was able to color two items/areas on my page. By the end our time at that station… I looked at my kids’ pages and they were all nice. Then I looked at mine. Not so much. The employee running that station asked if they should hang mine up in the nature center (jokingly). Even she knew drawing was not my gift.
It’s rough when I looked at it and thought, wow, I did every bit of that on purpose. It was a little unfair being that I could only do two things. But those two things - I meant to color the way I did. There were no Bob Ross’ happy accidents. It was just one big, purposeful, horrific piece of art.
How great would it be to look back on moments, with others, that were put together and lived out with purpose?
Practically speaking, empathy requires us to act with and on purpose.
The key to unlocking more empathy in our relationships is to be planned without being forced.
If our goal is anything but to grow as a person and learn about another - it’ll be sniffed out from a mile a way. It’s no different than when a politician promises the world to his or her constituents. We need to be purposeful with our empathy if we’re going to develop it as a strong character trait.
The benefit of empathy is not personal gain - it is personal growth.
We could argue, doesn’t this mean we have personal gain? We benefit, yes, but we’re not understanding others for the purpose of power or selfish motives. That’s personal gain. Growth is deepening our relationships with others and strengthening our character.
Again, it’s planned, not forced. If we’re not putting in the effort to position and posture ourselves well, we’ll never live out empathy on purpose.
Question to ask:
Am I purposefully putting compassion into action today?
Let’s examine our position, posture and purpose today.